You! Yes you, the reader. Do you find yourself routinely rooted to the base of the leader boards? Do you find yourself constantly on the receiving end of a classic dish of old school pawnage no matter which First or Third Person Shooter (F/TPS) you apply yourself too? Well worry no more beleaguered reader, for this article shall be the end to your woe and the dawn of your wow! Or something like that, if you’d like to play some motivating music henceforth that would really help this along.

Lesson One; Know your Settings

Did you perhaps come across a ‘settings’ option on your way into the lobby? If not, look closer. Every game worth its merit comes complete with the option to attune their controls to the players liking. So go on, get in there! Once you’ve opened your settings start tinkering and do not stop until you feel completely comfortable with your settings. Being comfortable while in control not only raises confidence, and plays a vital role in a later lesson, but it also just feels a helluva a lot better on the thumbs.

Every player is unique, with some having a natural advantage in some games than other. Some may prefer to set their sensitivity to low, allowing for more steady and precise aim, while others would prefer to set their sensitivity somewhere between high and Typhoon Jet levels to allow for rapid directional aiming.  Attuning to your setting to your style will be key in allowing you to maximise your potential.

Lesson Two; Respect the Red Mist

Now you know your settings you should build your arsenal with weapons that compliment both them and the environment you find yourself playing in. However many TPS do not operate on a load out system, meaning more powerful weapons are usually procured in game. When this happens never, ever, underestimate the stopping power of a well designed but affordable shotgun. Get the scum in your hip-fire reticle at close range and it’s sayonara testicles, intestines, kidneys and bladder. But if the first shot didn’t do it, rounding it off with a second most definitely will. Shotguns are a shooting game staple, and if in doubt you can always rely on them to see you through a stern opposition.

Because ungodly stopping power wasn’t enough, now it has rapid fire capabilities.

But of course, a shotgun will only do in some situations, and using it as a crutch for a lack of talent is to be frowned upon. Look at your map and remember that it is fact, not theory, that a shotgun in close quarters is your best friend. If you find yourself in vast open areas well then refer to the next lesson for instruction.

Lesson Three; Dodge, Dip, Dive, Duck and … Dodge

Stay mobile people, you cant hit what you can’t draw a bead on. Almost all TPS come with a dodge or cover action that will quickly get your ass out of the frying pan in a tight situation and FPS games these days commonly include a sprint function to keep you chugging. Find yourself in open ground making a charge at the enemy stronghold? Well if you find yourself in this obviously stupid situation in the first place I advise you start hammering that dodge/dash button and pray to the virtual gods that be that the latency may be in your favour. Even when sniping, the most static of all roles, be sure to obey the holiest of commandments; fire and move.

Not only are you reducing the chance of straying into enemy cross hairs but you’re making yourself much more difficult to locate. They may know the vicinity of your presence, but you also know they’ll be coming and this gives you the chance to prepare an ambush.

Lesson Four; He’s Behind You

DISCLAIMER: Camping in a corner, in short, is pathetic. If you’re an advocate of this tactic in open game play then I raise this question; why did you spend your hard earned £/$ to park in a door frame? With that aside, let us continue. Unless you know and trust each individual of your team do not expect your allies to cover your posterior. There nothing quite as frustrating as getting broadsided with a shotgun, apart from watching the replay later to discover they have been sitting there, waiting, for literally minutes waiting for the most insulting moment to strike. Case and point are demonstrated below;

So, as we can see class, not only is camping uncool but it is also just an invitation for humiliation. Campers, you have been warned. To avoid such a simple error I advise the following. Don’t camp and develop a habit of rotating your camera behind you just for good measure.

Lesson Five; It’s a Trap

Get the feeling that you’re about to be flanked? Well then you probably are. When drawn into a fire fight against someone dug into cover there is little you can do short of rushing them, which would most certainly leave you exposed to ‘that guy’ who always seems to be right where you are not looking in time to kill you. To avoid such a scenario it’s best to fall back and come up with a plan B. Not only will you be in a better position to fight off multiple opponents at once but you could also entice the enemy out of their hiding spot and into the open. Of course, such a plan works vice versa as well. Look at your map, most games have them online, and locate an ally in distress. Maybe he’s being pinned down or maybe he’s being pursued but you have exactly the amount of time it will take to reach him to figure out what to do. Do you;

  • A) Stand by his side and try to repel the enemy, and pray none of them have the IQ needed to flank you.
  • B) Ignore their plight, they wouldn’t have come to help you anyway.
  • C) Flank the enemy, eliminating them all with minimal effort, and save your ungrateful comrade who will no doubt become bullet fodder a few seconds later anyway.
  • D) Remain still and likely be eaten by a passing Grue.

Star pupils will agree that C is obviously the correct answer. If need be, use your allies as bait to lure your enemy into vulnerable positions and claim all the kills, leaving your ally with only a few assists for his trouble. Sure it might be harsh, but if they had read this article then maybe they too could have shared the spoils.

What’s the worst that could happen?

Lesson Six; Like the Back of your Hand

Simple, the more you play a map the more familiar it will become. But I am not just talking layout here, I’m talking proper hardcore analysis of where the enemy will first spawn and what is the most likely direction they will go from there. If you have a feeling that someone is camping, can you find a quick or inauspiciousness way around them? Being able to gauge enemy positions, adapt to attack and prepare ambushes on the go will all come down to how well you know your territory. Sure you won’t be right all the time, but it’s a helluva lot better than being wrong all the time.

Relying too much on a crutch such as the heartbeat sensors, UAVs and other bits of kit that molly cuddling multiplayer games dish out to their precious consumers will only stunt your development as an online gamer. If you truly wish to hang with the elite, you’re going to have to go without.

Lesson Seven; Don’t **** with the Tank

Self explanatory, if you see a vehicle rolling in and you lack the means to dispose of it then just get the hell out of dodge and come up with a new plan. If you find yourself in a game where repairs are possible then shadow it and wait for that one opportune moment when the driver will abandon his death machine to make some light repairs, then swoop in and steal it. Like candy from a baby, as they say. Not that I’ve ever done that, to a baby I mean.

Same goes for chopper gunners, helicopters, predators and all the rest of the bullshit they pack into Modern Warfare. Nothing is more frustrating than wasted opportunity, if you don’t have the means to evade or destroy their kit then just dig in and pray someone had the wisdom to pack a missile launcher into their loadout.

Lesson Eight; You Can do it Ozzy, Kick him in the Hairy Balls

Play with confidence. This lesson could be as much applied to life in general as online shooters. Admitting defeat before the battle is lost will only solidify your position as the loser. If you’re already doubting yourself before you’ve taken the shot what do you think your motivation will be like once you’ve actually missed? He who dares wins, fortune favours the bold and attacking a game with a positive mentality will only do your game wonders. Missed the first shot? Consult lesson three and try again from a better position.

Applicable to ANY situation.

Lesson Nine; I’ve Run Out of Catchy Headings

Finally the basic rule is don’t be stupid. As you may have noticed many of these rules are the fruition of applying logic to an illogical subject. People are idiots online, use this against them. Most importantly there is one golden lesson to be taken from this article, even if you take nothing else on board. Have fun, games are for the purpose of enjoyment. While winning is naturally more fun, remember that not everyone can be a winner and every dog has their day.

P.S: Although if you still have no luck after this article then Bagogames accepts no blame for your failure whatsoever, you’ll have to just get good or go offline.

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About The Author

At twenty years of age with a non-existent sense of responsibility Jack is the self proclaimed lucky charm of Bagogames, attributed to the fact that any time he bothers to show up to work good things seem to happen. With a sense of humour only he himself can understand his passionate, albeit crude, M.O has taken him to the heights of the command chain, in his own mind anyway. He’s smart, kind of, he’s dashing, but not really, and he can talk. Lord, can he talk; with all the energy of a rabid dog with as about as much finesse as a brick through your front window. He’s also currently reproducing, god help us all.

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